I got cats. I'll tell you about that soon.
Anyway today's post. I've seen this thing going around which is like a list of the worst however many films you've ever seen so I'm doing that. I'm gonna say...10, the worst ten films I've ever seen. I'm angry Kent, angry and tired, about a lot of things, about misogyny, about racism, about injustice. But this blog isn't the place for that outlet (I have others). So today is movie ranting, 'cos why not.
This list is not a critical insight into script, the use of mise en scene or the directors vision - it's just movies that I personally think are garbage because life is more fun when you rant. You may love these movies. Remember, MY DISLIKE OF THEM DOES NOT DIMINISH YOUR ENJOYMENT. Many of these made millions and I doubt the people involved will ever see my tiny blog so this is just for us Racy Rae readers. Enjoy.
1. You've Got Mail.
Watched at a sleepover once. Interminable. I'm pretty sure this film is 9000 hours long. It JUST WOULDN'T END. I have a lot of time for Tom Burbs Hanks, but Christ on a flying unicycle this saccharine tale of outdated media makes the bile rise in my gullet. Endless, in fact it's been over a decade and I'm pretty sure its still on. AOL dial up.
I can feel the death threats coming. Did not care for it, despite my love of sci-fi. Yes I saw it as a kid. I'm gonna just punch this home - don't like the Goonies either. Boom. And yet my husband still won't leave me.
Pish. Utter Pish. Naw. Just Naw. 'but it's a masterpiece, it's so moody and clever, you can watch in the correct order on the special features!' Yes, and it's even MORE tedious. Don't care, don't care, don't care. Boring needless moody crap with no engaging characters. GREY.
4. Ooh, I'm struggling now, what else do I hate? I mean, is the worst. See I actually like a lot of stuff because I'm secretly very positive - hold up, TREE OF LIFE.
Now, some shots in this are very beautiful, but it's just hours of my life I'll never get back. Hours I could have spent putting my cat pictures on Instagram, hours I could have spent rewatching Red Dwarf with the commentary again, hours I could have spent thinking about how I should do some exercise at some point in the 2010s, but Terrance Malik robbed me of those precious moments with this dawdling high concept art piece. Itching in my chair from the first birth of planet sequence. I've seen Koyaanisqatsi, Powaqqatsi, and Naqoyqatsi. I'm good. I'm done. I do not need Tree of fucking Life.
5. Mulholland Drive.
I won't say I loathe it exactly, but I once called it 'too commercial' and nearly started a student pub riot. I stand by my remarks.
6. Eraser Head.
This almost doesn't make the list because I have a great memory of watching this and a running joke with my friend about an ad campaign concept based on troublesome alien babies, but I rely heavily on porridge in my diet and I was right off it for a month.
7. Event Horizon
HEAR ME OUT. This is not here because it is the worst. It is not here because it is bad. It is here because IT IS EVIL. This is a film I would keep in the freezer if I wasn't terrified it would infect my veggies. I am not scared of much (dying alone, pain, that my attempts at making the world a better place are vastly outpaced by corporate consumption and corruption and I'm nothing but a drain on resources swirling through the inertia towards inevitable entropy and death, that my cats secretly hate me) but this movie gives me the heebie jeebies.
8. What Women Want.
I, I don't have to explain this do I? You, you get it right. Mel...and the title...and the execution... OK good.
9. This Means War.
As above. Like, what? And I watched the whole thing. Because Reese. But no. No.
No. See also crap like, Wedding Crashers, Bride Wars, Hangover (yes, I thought it sucked) - wait does America just hate weddings?
10. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Just to throw you another easy one. As Jem would say truly outrageous, that this got made.
I will say I've not seen Transformers.
And now a palate cleanser - a bunch of films I love! Run Lola Run, High Spirits, Mad Max Fury Road, Blues Brothers, What We Do in the Shadows, Drive, Battle Royale, Black Sheep, Wayne's World, In the Company of Wolves, The Princess Bride, Only You, Tucker and Dale Vs Evil, Evil Dead.
More posts to come. Probably. I mentioned the cats, right?
I encourage you all to make a list of films you also hate, then to watch something you love because it's kind of cathartic!